Elvis has been found, alive! After visiting Graceland, Director Joel Gilbert made a Freedom of Information Act request for US government files on Elvis Presley. Incredibly, documents arrived from the FBI revealing an address for Federal Agent "Jon Burrows," Elvis' 1970's alias, in Simi Valley, California. After a brief confrontation, Elvis agreed to chronicle the secret history of his life and "death" in an exclusive interview. Here's the official story: in 1977, after decades of a punishing lifestyle that included little sleep or exercise, a horrible, cholesterol-choked diet, a twilight world of pharmacological abuse of almost mythical proportions, forced viewings of seemingly unending wrestling bouts involving white panty-wearing groupies, and most damaging, the movie Harum Scarum on his resume, Elvis suffered a myocardial infarction, most probably brought on by a drug overdose, and died at his home in Graceland on August 16th, 1977. Now...here's what really happened. After a visit to President Nixon, where he was appointed a Drug Enforcement Agency operative after outlining his wish to help crush the hippie rebellion that threatened to consume the America he loved, Elvis Aaron Presley, superstar musician and inventor of rock 'n' roll, moonlighted as "Jon Burrows," a DEA strike force leader setting up drug stings as the U.S. government battled the home-grown terrorist group, The Weather Underground-just as Elvis' comic book hero, Captain Marvel, Jr., battled The Weather Men. Re-assigned to set up similar stings against the leading figures in La Cosa Nostra, and discovering that his manager, degenerate gambler Colonel Tom Parker, had sold half of his contract to mobster Paul Castellano, Elvis and his cohorts executed the 'ol' switcheroo, taken right from Captain Marvel, Jr., #110. Elvis' helpful Dr. Nick had a terminal patient-and die-hard fan of Elvis'-who, with a little plastic surgery, could look just like Elvis. Roscoe Holloway was moved into Graceland, where everyone waited for him to die, and where Elvis began to eat tremendous amounts of fried peanut butter and nanner sandwiches to more closely resemble "generously proportioned" Holloway. Once Holloway passed, Elvis was free to go completely underground in the Federal Witness Protection program, once he quit hanging out at the Graceland pool house...and, um, well...once he, uh, quit night clerking at a Kalamazoo, Michigan hotel. Then it was back to fighting Bill Ayers (he captured him twice but the FBI let him go), before a desk job at the FBI, retirement in a quiet Simi Valley suburb.
*Artwork subject to change
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